


All I Ask (Is a Star to Steer By)

by Eastmava



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, The softest of the soft Kylux
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 14:27:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13483404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eastmava/pseuds/Eastmava
Summary: "There have been bad days since, but he’s learned to read the signs. And now he knows to just lay in bed with Kylo, fingers in his hair, and hold him. Sometimes he’ll pull up Cosmos on Netflix and they’ll listen to Neil deGrasse Tyson explain what would happen if they got sucked into a black hole, sometimes they’ll go through the book again, now dogeared and worn, and sometime they’ll simply lie side by side, the curtains cracked just enough to let them see a sliver of the night sky and they’ll make up constellations until sleep takes them."Hux plans a surprise for Kylo.Set in frapandfurious's amazing 'I Will Share Your Road' series.





	All I Ask (Is a Star to Steer By)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [frapandfurious](https://archiveofourown.org/users/frapandfurious/gifts).
  * Inspired by [I Guess It Must Be Wanderlust or Tryin' to Get Free](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12112053) by [frapandfurious](https://archiveofourown.org/users/frapandfurious/pseuds/frapandfurious). 



> This is a birthday gift for the amazingly talented and incredibly sweet Frapandfurious/Obsessions-and-Dreams and set in her 'I Will Share Your Road' universe (First work in the series linked above.) If you haven't read the series yet go do so right now. It's one of my favorite modern AU's and I feel absolutely blessed that she was willing to let me play in her sandbox.
> 
> Happy birthday darling. I hope this story brings you a fraction of the joy your friendship has brought me.
> 
> The title is taken from the poem 'Sea Fever' by John Masefield
> 
> 'All I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by'

They’re on a sunny stretch of I-264, with nothing to see but an endless expanse of road and fields, driving north from Land Between the Lakes where they had celebrated the final breaking of winter with a three day long camping trip that had left them dirty and grimy and Hux’s shoulders and nose peeling with a sunburn.

 

They have nowhere to be except a vague idea of ‘north’. “Possibly Cincinnati,” Hux had said, just because he has always liked the way the name rolls off his tongue, and Kylo had countered with “I’ve never seen Pittsburgh,” and with days worth of trail dirt clinging to their skin a stay in a city had sounded relaxing. They have the radio on, turned down low, although the station is so spotty the Black Sabbath song they both only vaguely recognize is more static than music, Kylo behind the wheel with a pair of aviator sunglasses they picked up months ago, in a town three hours outside of Denver, perched on his nose, while Hux looks out the window at the riot of wildflowers that have suddenly popped up blooming on the shoulder, a jumble of colors just beyond the median. He knows he’ll be cursing them as soon as his allergies start acting up but for now it’s a nice reminder that the long, trudging grey days of winter are finally passed.

 

A knocking noise starts without warning in what Hux would guess is the engine, pulling him out of his reverie, and Kylo curses, directs the car to the shoulder of the road right as white smoke coughs out from under the hood. The car sputters to a stop, thankfully off the road, and the engine cuts suddenly.

 

“Well fuck,” Kylo says succinctly, and Hux sighs as he begins digging around for his phone, praying they can get enough reception to call a tow truck.

 

____

 

Kylo is standing at the counter talking with a young woman in grease stained coveralls, Hux assumes the eponymous Rose of _Rose’s Garage_ , while Hux sits in an uncomfortable plastic chair and drinks weak, watery coffee and stares at the muted TV in the small waiting room. He looks up at the sound of footsteps coming toward him as Kylo takes the chair beside him, fingers twisting in his curls in a sure sign he’s stressed, a frown on his face.

 

“Like I thought, it’s the alternator.” After calling for a tow Hux had climbed out of the car and stood on the side of the road, deciding to take advantage of the wait to stretch his legs even if his fair skin really didn’t need anymore sunlight. Kylo had followed him out and slumped against the side of the car, flinching in pain as his skin hit sun-hot metal, and started apologizing. When Hux had finally convinced him that broken down cars happened to everyone and he wasn’t responsible, Kylo had sighed and told him that white smoke meant either a cracked engine block or an alternator, but either way the end result was a lot of money.

 

“How much?”

 

“Twelve hundred.” Hux doesn’t wince, but only barely, because he knows doing so will only upset Kylo more. They have the money to cover it, although not by much. Sometimes they find a city they both like and the itch under their skin settles for a while, long enough to find a cheap extended stay motel and work a month or two at some part time jobs. They live frugally, finding little need for extra possessions when they carry their lives with them in backpacks, so Hux has insisted they save some. He has a bank account his mother had opened for him years ago, one that had been collecting nominal interest of the small amount of money she managed put in there for him before Brendol had taken him away, and after an hour with a confused teller who had finally been able to pull up the information on an account that hadn't been touched in two decades he had walked out with a new debit card and a statement with a measly four digits totalling all their savings.

 

Of course there are the accounts Brendol set up for him, the ones that could cover everything they ever need, the ones that would let them sleep in five star motels and go buy a new car right this second without having to debate if Kylo’s old one is worth the cost, but he can’t bring himself to touch that money. Kylo must know that he has it, it is, afterall, why he choose to try to hold Hux for ransom, two years and thousands of miles ago, but he never says anything, never pressures Hux to use Brendol’s money.

 

“Okay,” he says with a nod. “Twelve hundred. Is that, is that fair? I mean, you know more about this stuff than I do.” Brendol had a mechanic who he had taken his cars to for years. Hux knows he had paid the man good money and always been friendly to his face, with a warm greeting and a jovial smile that switched to disparaging comments as soon as they were out of the shop, his disgust for anyone he considered beneath him shining through. Hux hopes the man was overcharging him.

 

“It’s fair. Besides, even it it wasn’t, not like we got a lot of options. I may know enough to know what’s wrong but I’m not any good with my hands. My dad tried to teach me some stuff, but all I was good for was breaking things.” His voice dips low and sad, the way it always does when Kylo talks about the family he left. For Hux leaving Brendol had been terrifying because it meant abandoning everything he had ever known but it was also freeing, finally being out from under his father’s control and given the chance to learn what life would be like without Brendol to dictate his every move. But Kylo’s break from his family hadn’t been the same. It had been his choice, but not one he made happily, and Hux knows the regret weighs heavy on him.

 

“Hey,” he says, catching one of Kylo’s hands in his. It’s so much bigger, the palms meatier and wider, fingers longer, and he had never know what it truly meant to feel safe until the first time one of those hands had slipped into his. “I like your hands. They aren’t just good for breaking things.” He drags a kiss along the knuckles, watches from under his eyelashes as Kylo’s eyes go dark at the action. “They’re good at holding me. And they’re great for backrubs. You’re so quick when you drive, you’ve avoided so many accidents with these hands.” He looks up at Kylo now, catches his lip between his teeth before slowly letting it go. “And I like making them curl in the sheets. The way they grab my hair when I’m between your legs.”

 

“Hux,” Kylo whines, high and tight with desire.

 

“I love your hands,” he insists. “Just like I love all the rest of you.”

 

“ _Hux_ ,” Kylo all but moans, eyes darting around to see if anyone is paying them any attention.

 

“Go tell her to fix our car, and then ask if there’s a motel around here we can stay at.”

 

It takes Kylo a few minutes to collect himself and walk back up to the counter, minutes he spends shifting in his seat while Hux watches smugly. He finally heads back up while Hux searches around to make sure he isn’t forgetting anything, not that they brought much in with them. He’s looking for a place to throw away his empty styrofoam cup when something catches his attention on the TV. It’s tuned to a public broadcast station, something vaguely educational, and he pauses just long enough to take in the words, an idea already half formed, before he spies a trash bin tucked in a corner and tosses the empty cup in.

 

Kylo is leaning on the counter giving his information as the woman types it into an ancient computer that Hux can hardly believe still works. “And address?” She asks with a sunny smile, and Hux is half a step behind him so he sees Kylo freeze, the muscles in his shoulders seizing tight at the question.

 

“34 Arkanis Lane,” he interrupts smoothly, a hand on Kylo’s lower back as he rattles off the address of his college apartment. Kylo slowly relaxes beside him even as Hux finds his heart pounding as he lies, voice breaking at he gives the city and praying the woman won’t ask for a driver’s license to confirm. He doesn’t know what will happen if she realizes they’re lying, that they’re drifting aimlessly across the country, essentially homeless. Will she refuse them service and leave them stranded without a working car? Call the police on them? He knows vagrancy is a crime and wonders if they could be thrown in jail for running away from their families like this. The hand he had laid on Kylo’s back to soothe is twists in the soft cotton.

 

Thankfully, she smiles, informs them she has the part on order and it should be here tomorrow and she’ll get it taken care of right away, and if their strange behavior regarding giving an address registered with her she shows no sign of it, sending them off with a smile and directions to a little hotel less than a mile down the road.

 

It’s late enough that by the time they make the trek and check in, exchanging tired smiles with the woman behind the desk, and finally get to their room they decide to have a dinner of leftover granola bars from their hike and take turns washing the dirt and sweat off in the tiny shower with spotty water pressure before finally falling into bed together.

 

There’s just enough of a chill in the air, winter still barely hanging on, that they press close, huddled together under the scratchy comforter and sheets that smell faintly of bleach. Kylo’s hair is still damp when Hux wraps his fingers in it and angles his head down for a kiss, slow and dragging, slick and sweet, the air between them humid with their breaths when they finally part.

 

Kylo’s palm is tracing a broad, sweeping path up his back, his hand worked under Hux’s shirt, when he finally asks the question that’s been bothering him. “Do you ever regret it?” He tucks his face closer, hides it in the crook of Kylo’s neck, finding the words easier to give voice to if he isn’t look at Kylo, even if it means he’s the coward his father always told him he’d grow up to be. “That you never tried to go home? That you’re off wandering around with me instead?”

 

There’s a terrible silence before Kylo speaks, just long enough for his mind to start coming up with all the horrible things he could say. _Well actually, now that you mention it, this has been fun, but I’m ready to settle down. You understand, right?_

 

“I have a lot to regret,” Kylo says, and Hux has to swallow the noise that tries to climb out of his throat. So this is it then. “But not you, not this,” Kylo continues and squeezes him tighter. “God, Hux, I could never regret you.”

 

His sob of relief comes out as a barked laugh, and he clings to Kylo even more. “I worry, that you’ll decide you want more. That you’ll want a home. That someday I won’t be enough anymore,” he confesses into the darkness.

 

“I don’t really know what I want,” he admits. “Maybe I’ll want that someday. But only if you’re with me.” There’s a pause, and this close, even with no light, Hux can see Kylo’s throat work as he swallows. His next words are shaky and uneven, rushed out in a single breath. “You’d stay with me, right? Even if we settled down and got a home and jobs and the whole deal? Because it couldn’t be a home if you aren’t there with me.”

 

“I’ll stay. For as long as you’ll have me.”

 

It’s late, a day of stress and worry has stripped them both thin, and maybe he only imagines Kylo’s word, maybe Kylo mumbles it unknowingly as he slips into sleep himself. But either way, it the sweetest of lullabies, barely whispered.

 

_“Forever.”_

 

__

 

They take one look at the sad continental breakfast the hotel offers and Kylo sighs. “I think we passed a McDonald’s down the road.”

 

While he’s gone Hux pulls out his laptop and, after wasting precious minutes trying to log into the hotel’s spotty WiFi, finally gets on Google and types in ‘meteor shower’ and clicks on the first hit.

 

He knows Kylo loves the night sky, that it ties him to his family, to the good parts of his family, in ways Hux will never quite fully understand. He told Hux stories about long night drives with his dad, dozing in the back seat as they drove far past the city limits, out past neon lights and street lamps into darkness, where they laid on the grass side by side and stared up at the night sky. Kylo’s uncle used to take him camping, during those terrible teenage years where his family had mistakenly believed that fresh air and nature would cure him of the dark moods he even now sometimes fell into.

 

There had been a few long days, during the near endless depths of winter, when the cold seemed to seep into Kylo’s very bones and drain him of any will and he had done nothing more than lay in bed for three days, only dragging himself to a shower when he could no longer bare the smell of himself. Hux had nearly driven himself to exhaustion with worry, constantly asking if Kylo was alright, trying to coax him to eat something to help with the drawn look on his face, researching places they could go visit in an attempt to entice Kylo into showing enthusiasm for _something._ He had been trying, again, to convince Kylo to go see a doctor, when Kylo finally growled “I’m not sick, Hux, just drop it!”

 

He blinked, startled by the first burst of energy Kylo had shown in days before the words caught up with him. He had always been half waiting for what they had to end, for Kylo to realize that Hux was a neurotic mess who could talk himself into a panic over everyday things no one else seemed to have trouble with, just biding his time with the first person who ever thought he was worth something until Kylo realized there was a reason Hux had been so alone when they first met. _So this is it then_ , he had thought, and twisted away to start packing his bags, trying to fight the rising panic at the realization that he had nowhere to go, no one to take him in and keep the tears burning his eyes from slipping out.

 

He had been so concentrated on shoving his clothes into his bag that it had startled him when a hand landed on his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” Kylo mumbled, and the sight of Kylo out of bed, with gnarled hair and rumpled pajamas finally did make him cry, and he flung himself into Kylo’s arms with such force they rocked backward. “I’m sorry,” Kylo said again, face buried in Hux’s hair. “It’s not your fault. I just get like this sometimes. Don’t leave?” The final words were pleading and Hux gripped him harder as he nodded.

 

Kylo had led them back to the bed, Hux still clinging to him, and as soon as they were beneath the covers he clung right back. They laid together in silence, just breathing, until Kylo shifted and the necklace he wore always, the one Hux had given to him the Christmas before, a delicate charm of the Big Dipper hanging off a chain, slipped from the stretched out collar of his tshirt. It should’ve looked ridiculous, something so small and dainty on Kylo, with his broad shoulders and strong chest, but instead it only looked perfect, settled in the dip of his collarbones, a reminder of Hux he wore close to his heart.

 

He reached out to touch the charm and Kylo’s hand had covered his, pressed it closer to the beat of his heart. “I’m alright, Hux, I promise. Or, I will be. I just get like this sometimes.”

 

“Is it me?” He asked, voice quavering on the words with fear that it was.

 

“No. No, it’s not you. I’ve always been like this,” he said with a shrug.

 

“You haven’t,” he argued, and then winced at how it sounded. “I just mean, I’ve never seen you like this before.”

 

Kylo smiled, although it was a sad one. “I’ve been happy. _You_ make me happy. Things haven’t gotten this bad in a while. It was worse when I was younger.”

 

He swallowed down the question about if things had gotten bad before and Kylo had pretended otherwise, for his sake, and Hux just hadn’t noticed. That was a conversation for later. If there was one thing he was good at it was solving the problem in front of him. “What helped? When you were younger?”

 

Kylo paused for a long moment, long enough Hux wondered if he had fallen back to sleep, before he answered. “Uncle Luke used to take me camping. Mom and Dad were busy, and they were fighting all the time, so Luke use to take me for the weekends.”

 

“That helped?”

 

“Not really. But sometimes, when we were just sitting around a campfire at night I’d stare up at the sky, at the stars, and that used to help me calm down. Help me, I dunno, recenter.” If he had the power Hux would’ve brought Kylo the night sky, carefully hung each star from the ceiling of their crummy hotel room, but instead all he had was a book he had given Kylo the same Christmas as the necklace, a guide to the stars, and eventually he climbed out of bed and grabbed it then slid back under the covers, curled up with Kylo and they flipped through it together, sometimes taking turns reading the stories about constellations aloud, sometimes just staring at the whirling vastness of space, captured on glossy pages, until they fell asleep.

 

The next morning Kylo had gotten out of bed. He had dark circles under his eyes that even two cups of coffee couldn’t chase away and simply brushing his teeth seemed to exhaust him, but he smiled tiredly at Hux and said “What was it you were saying about wanting to see San Francisco?”’

 

There have been bad days since, but he’s learned to read the signs. And now he knows to just lay in bed with Kylo, fingers in his hair, and hold him. Sometimes he’ll pull up _Cosmos_ on Netflix and they’ll listen to Neil deGrasse Tyson explain what would happen if they got sucked into a black hole, sometimes they’ll go through the book again, now dogeared and worn, and sometime they’ll simply lie side by side, the curtains cracked just enough to let them see a sliver of the night sky and they’ll make up constellations until sleep takes them.

 

But the bad days are few, the time between filled with long stretches of overwhelming happiness Hux never thought he would get to have for himself. All he wants is to share that happiness with Kylo.

 

It’s an easy decision, barely any work at all, to book a hotel room and send directions to his phone. Kylo bursts through the door with paper bags that smell of grease and bacon right as Hux clicks off the hotel’s page and over to an unfinished episode of Star Trek. They laugh through their unhealthy breakfast, the sunlight pouring in from the streaky window as they sip burnt coffee.

 

Today’s not a bad day. They may be stuck in this small hotel room while the car gets fixed and the town may have little to offer, but they’re together and winter is finally gone and Hux has a surprise for Kylo planned. Kylo laughs at something and smiles from under the fall of his hair, open and happy in a way that makes Hux’s chest hurt.

 

Today is definitely not a bad day, but he thinks they may spend it all in bed anyway.  

 

___

 

Hux’s phone wakes them, vibrating against the table, and when he answers blearily Rose informs them the car is ready. He thanks her, tells her they’ll be in sometime today, and rolls back over into Kylo’s warmth. When he wakes up again there’s a cup of coffee, steam curling off the top, waiting for him on the bedside table and the sound of the shower running while Kylo warbles some indiscernible tune.

 

He drinks his coffee and feels more certain than ever about his plan.  

 

They finally make their way back to the garage. Hux has to force himself not to swallow nervously as Rose swipes his debit card, holding his breath until it goes through with no problem and she brings him a slip of paper to sign. It’s worth it, though, when they get in the car and Kylo turns the key and it purrs to life, to watch the smile on Kylo’s face, the way he strokes his fingers along the steering wheel like he’s greeting an old friend.

 

They pick up the same road they were on before without discussion, heading north, and with Kylo pushing the speed limit just a little more than Hux would if he were driving their tires hit the bridge to take them across the river from Kentucky into Ohio right as the clock ticks over to noon.

 

They actually end up circling back to the Kentucky side of the river and find a cheap motel. There’s a bridge spanning the width of the river just for pedestrians and Kylo insists they get a picture of them straddling the state line, one foot in each state, so they can prove they’ve been in two places at once.

 

Somehow they wind up at a baseball game, seated high up in the cheap seats, caught up in the excitement of the crowd even though neither one of them cares for baseball or the Reds. The two dollar beers might be responsible for some of the cheering they do. They wander around, zigzagging their way across the city before they end up in some hipster restaurant that serves overpriced craft beer and the best damn tacos Hux has had since they were last in New Mexico.

 

Kylo’s yawning by the time they make it back to the room and he mumbles a sleepy goodnight, gives Hux a kiss that is made sloppy with his sleepy looseness and still tastes of the local microbrews hard cider he had three of with dinner and falls into the mattress still dressed. Hux pulls out his laptop, turns the brightness down, and double checks their reservations and that he has the right address before he finally slips into his pajamas and shoves Kylo aside to try to get some blanket.

 

He wakes up way too early and is jittery with too much coffee and too much overthinking by the time Kylo wakes. He’s double and triple checked their reservations, some part of his brain he just can’t shut up telling him he’s going to make a mess of this, pulled up his bank account online half a dozen times to make sure they actually have the funds for this. He’s nervous, not quite in the same way he was when he gave Kylo his Christmas gift. He knows Kylo want him, and even if he doubts some days Kylo is always there to remind him. He’s nervous with the same kind of kick to his stomach he had when Kylo made him look over the edge of the Grand Canyon- he knows he’s standing on the ledge of something wonderful, something magnificent.

 

He’s scared because this is all he never knew he wanted, and if it slips away he has no one to blame but himself.

 

“They have a really cool aquarium here,” Kylo tells him, mouth half full of a muffin he grabbed from the lobby and brought to the room with him.

 

“I think we should head out,” he says. “Check out is in an hour. I want to keep driving.”  

 

Kylo give him an odd look, swallows the bite of his breakfast. They haven’t even been in the city a day, and they usually like to stay places for at least a couple of days, long enough to explore and poke around, talk to the locals and find all the wonderful spots the usual tourists miss. “I mean, sure. We can,” Kylo starts, the words stilted as he studies Hux. “Is everything okay?”

 

“Fine,” he answers, too quickly. He takes a breath, and tries to give Kylo a reassuring smile. “I’m fine. Just want to move on.”

 

“Alright,” Kylo says, the word drawn out. “If you’re sure.” He stands up, walks over to sit beside Hux on the bed. “You’d tell me, if something were wrong. Right?”

 

“Of course,” he agrees. “Of course, Kylo. Everything’s fine, I promise.” Kylo still doesn’t look convinced so he leans in to kiss him and Kylo slides a hand beneath the hem of his shirt, drags it slowly over Hux’s stomach, the muscles jumping at the touch, and tugs him down on the bed.

 

They miss checkout time.

 

“Hux?” Kylo asks warily as he cuts the ignition and stares at the place Hux has driven them to. He had handed the keys over with no argument and a smile that said he thought Hux’s quirks were charming, just another thing to love Hux for when he asked for them this morning before starting the three hour drive, but now he sounds like he’s questioning if Hux has had some sort of a mental break from reality. “Why are we at a Ritz-Carlton in North Star, Ohio?”

 

“Help me with the bags,” is all he says in answer before shouldering his backpack and walking in through the sleek doors. The hotel is so much nicer than their usual lodgings it’s almost laughable, more to Brendol’s taste than his, than his now, after Kylo, after he’s learned that getting to trip over someone you care about is better than having a cold room with lots of space and no one to share it with.

 

The woman at the front desk eyes them, their ratty jeans and hoodies and the backpacks they carry instead of the sleek carry on luggage she must be used to the clientele having, but she warms considerably when Hux hands over his ID and credit card and everything goes through with no issue.

 

Kylo is standing stiff beside him, visibly uncomfortable in such nice surrounding, and when Hux takes his hand he squeezes it like a lifeline. His eyes go comically wide when they get in the elevator and Hux hits the button for the top floor. “Hux, will you please tell me what’s going on?” He begs, worry obvious in his voice. “Please, whatever’s wrong, just tell me.”

 

Hux’s stomach twists in knots of guilt at the terrified look on Kylo’s face. How could he have forgotten? They’ve only stayed in a hotel this nice once before, when Brendol had finally been arrested. He had wanted to do something nice for Kylo, spoil him as much as he could, and instead Kylo must be thinking the worst.

 

“Nothing,” he rushes to assure. “I promise, there’s nothing wrong.”

 

“Hux-”

 

“Do you trust me?”

 

Kylo’s face softens, his hand squeezing Hux’s. “You know I do.”

 

“Then please,” he punctuates with a kiss dropped to Kylo’s jaw. “Please, just trust me. Nothing’s wrong.” Kylo relaxes, slouching against the wall of the elevator, but his hand stays in Hux’s until they get to the room.

 

___

 

“I hear they have a really nice pool here,” he says, trying to sound nonchalant although the look Kylo gives him lets him know he’s definitely failed in the effort. Kylo is still obviously curious about why Hux has brought them here but since his reassurances in the elevator he seems content to just let things play out and accept Hux’s largess without question.

 

“Oh really?” He asks, sitting up on the king size bed he’s stretched out on. “Did you want to go for a swim?”

 

Hux fidgets, touching his pockets to make sure the keys and his wallet are in there even though he knows he hasn’t taken them out. “No, not me,” he says, and looks up at Kylo. “But I thought you might enjoy it.” Kylo eyes him for a long minute before he shrugs and digs his swim trunks out of his bag and changes, stepping out of his pants in the middle of the room and throwing Hux a shameless grin as he stares at Kylo’s exposed body.

 

He waits until Kylo is gone, listens for the ding of the elevator before leaving the room himself and hurrying down to the car. He’s memorized the directions of where he needs to go but it’s late enough in the afternoon that he can’t afford to get lost so he plugs the address into his phone’s GPS and follows it carefully, breathes a sigh of relief when he parks outside of the old stone building.

 

He’s been gone just over and hour and when he walks back into the room the shower is running and Kylo’s soaked swimsuit is tossed on the bed. He wrinkles his nose as he picks up the dripping garment and carries it into the bathroom, tossing them into the sink with a wet slap as they hit the porcelain.

 

Kylo pokes his head out from behind the shower curtain, his face red from the heat of the shower and his hair slicked flat, the big ears Hux loves so much but knows better than to ever mention poking out. He’s chest suddenly feels too small, all air squeezed from him as he realizes that this is what he wants forever, to come back to Kylo’s messes and his bright smile and to gaze at the face he once thought filled with features that didn’t quite go together but now are all just part of the man he loves so much.

 

They may not have much, but so long as he has Kylo’s smile to come home to he has all he’ll ever need.

 

“Get what you need?”

 

“Yeah,” he answers, and Kylo doesn’t press, just smiles.

 

“Wanna join me?”

 

“ _Yes,_ ” he agrees, and when they finally step out, reluctant to leave such a luxury when they were used to tight spaces with poor water pressure, their fingers are pruney and the late afternoon sun is finally dipping low.

 

They wrap up in thick, fluffy towels, hands wandering as they help each other dry off. “Hungry?”

 

“Mmm,” Kylo hums in agreement. “Ravenous,” and he bites a kiss into the creamy skin of Hux’s shoulder, laving his tongue over the minor hurt in a way that leaves Hux shivering in his arms.

 

Kylo tugs on jeans as Hux calls for room service, arching a brow but offering no opinion on the extravagance. He orders burgers, medium, and french fries. He debates on champagne but ends up with beer, something light and crisp that they can sip on while they savor the juicy meal.

 

He had chosen this hotel for a reason, insisted on a top floor room with a balcony, and he has Kylo help him drag one of the small table and chairs out on it. It’s cramped, barely enough room, but they’re far enough from the light of a city to have a beautiful view as the sun sets and inky darkness slowly creeps across the sky, the stars blinking to life on their velvet background. He leaves Kylo staring in wonder when there’s a knock at the door announcing their food. He carries it out and they feast under the night sky, licking dripping juices off their chins and sucking salt from fries off their fingers as the night sky with its infinite stars spool out above them.

 

When they’re finished with the food Kylo carries the tray back inside while Hux snatches a blanket off the bed to wrap themselves in. He joins Kylo on his chair, the wood creaking in protest at the extra weight, and Kylo pulls Hux down into his arms as he tucks the blanket around them.

 

They point out the constellations they’ve spent these past months learning about. “The Big Dipper,” Kylo whispers against his neck, and reaches up to touch the necklace he never takes off. “I know that one,” he says with a laugh.

 

“And if you follow those two stars,” he replies, taking Kylo’s hand in his and pointing their fingers upward, trailing them down from the two outermost stars in the constellation to the star burning brightest in the sky, a pinpoint of shining white, “you find Polaris. The North Star.”

 

“North star?” Kylo asks, and he pulls Hux even tighter.

 

“It’s important, you see,” and he has to swallow to find the next words. “Because it was used for navigation. If you could find the North Star then you could always find your way home.” He twists to look at Kylo and the look on his face is reverant, even in the darkness.

 

“Hux,” he starts to say, his name soft in a way it only ever is when Kylo says it, before something pulls his attention away. “Look! Is that?” He points upward, where a streak of light cuts across the sky. It’s just disappeared into nothingness when another follows, blazing a path through another swatch of the night, slowly joined by more and more, blinking across the sky. “Shooting stars. You brought me here to see shooting stars.” There’s so much wonder in his voice Hux can’t do anything else but kiss him.

 

“Make a wish,” he says, and Kylo catches his face in his big hands.

 

“What could I possibly wish for? I have everything I want,” Kylo tells him, steel in his words because he believes them. Hux had spent his entire life being told he would never be enough, not really. He was never going to be clever enough, good enough, smart or successful or ambitious enough. But now he has Kylo, who holds him through it when anxiety makes his throat close up and words stick in his mouth, who never laughs at him for getting wound up and worrying himself into knots over simple decisions.

 

“I have something else for you,” he confesses in a rush, the feeling of joy in him so overwhelming he has to do something or else he feels he might burst from the happiness.

 

“Hux, this is enough. You brought me here to watch a meteor shower. I couldn’t ask for more.”

 

“I know, I just, Kylo, I don’t know how to tell you, I want you to know,” he makes a frustrated noise as the words jam in his throat, eager to say so much that all he manages are half sentences. He gives up trying to explain and shifts just enough to dig the envelope tucked in his back pocket out, presses it into Kylo’s palm with a hand that’s suddenly shaking and fingers gone numb. “Here, just, just open it.”

 

The contents jingle as Kylo tears open the seal and tips two small, gleaming keys out into his palm. “What are these?”

 

“They’re keys,” he says, embarrassed by how shaky his voice is. “To a PO Box. _Our_  PO box, so now we have an address, with both our names on it. I know it’s not much, not _home_ , but it’s ours.”

 

“You got us a PO box,” Kylo says, the words carefully steady as if he’s measuring them out before saying each one. “Hux, you got us an address, together, in North Star, Ohio. Because the north star will guide you home.” The last word is shaky and when Kylo blinks a tear clinging to the corner of his eye is knocked free and it trails down his face, shimmering in the moonlight. He wraps his arms around Hux, fists handfuls of his shirt and pulls him close, face tucked against Hux’s shoulder. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” he says, the words muffled against Hux’s shirt. “I love you.”

 

“I know it’s not much, but maybe, someday, I can give you keys to a house instead. An actual home.”

 

Kylo shakes his head but it’s not in disagreement. “Hux, you brought me here to watch a meteor shower. You put our names on a post office box together. Don’t you realize? _You are my home._ ” Kylo finally releases his hold enough Hux can lean back and cup his face.

 

His cheeks are tear stained and splotchy, his eyes red even in the dark, and his nose is crusted with snot, his lip still quivering.

 

Hux has never loved him more.

 

He bends down to kiss him, under a blanket of shooting stars streaking across the sky.

 

They’re home.

  
~End

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> If you enjoyed it consider leaing a kudos or a comment. Like most writers I thrive on feedback.
> 
> Come hang out on Tumblr! Feel free to skip awkward introductions and jump right into messaging me about these dumb boys.
> 
> cut-off-the-grain.tumblr.com


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